I sit here at 7am (been up since 5:30am), 20 weeks pregnant with our first child, wondering what our next move should be.
With the economy in dire straights, my logical/financial side being the loudest voice in my head, it screams to have my husband re-enlist for another 4 years for simply the security of a paycheck and health insurance. I could halt my career and move cross country. I could go from career-oriented, independent metropolitan woman to stay-at-home Mom.
But that would mean leaving both our families here on the East coast and heading out West. It would also mean more deployments (less Dad time), our kids growing up in the military, and missing many family functions. But I can't ignore that we would have financial security for our family, health insurance, military benefits and I could be a stay-at-home Mom.
It wasn't until I got pregnant that I REALLY thought about childcare vs. stay-at-home parent. If I went back to work, we could afford it. But I'm not sure I could stand missing all the great "firsts" of my child's life. I think my head would actually explode if the daycare center got the first word or step, while I was busy dealing with the language barrier of the HP customer service rep in India over why my Lotus Notes isn't working correctly.
If the hubs does get out, he hasn't shown an interest in being a stay-at-home daddy, so our baby would have to be in childcare beginning at 12 weeks old. (I actually feel sick to my stomach thinking about handing over my baby for strangers to raise and only being the weekend parents.) BUT we get to stay close to family and continue our lives as we have for the past 3 years.
Option 1: Be weekend parents, close to families, miss our baby growing up, no deployments, but not sure if our jobs will be there when Monday comes around.
Option 2: Be the military family, leave the families, oversea deployments, children are raised at home, job security.
One of the things I adore about my husband is that he is family-oriented, but that is also the reason why making this choice is so hard: He doesn't want to leave our families, but I can't imagine beginning our own family and not being at home.
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Its tough Ruth....that's something I think about all the time even though Aaron and I aren't planning kids in the immediate future. I love my job and I love being independent...but I worry about missing all the things you talked about. I don't know though...I think you should be able to have both family and career. I think its harder when they're little, but gets easier over time. I started reading a book called "The Feminine Mistake" that addresses this exact issue....I only got about halfway through it but it really made an impression on me. I'm not trying to sway you in either direction, but I recommend you check that book out. It may make you think about different aspects of the situation that you hadn't considered.
ReplyDeleteYay---a new blog to read!
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